Have you seen these elemental flack jackets for your eyes? Well, you have now!

Do you know what keeps us informed about the weather, keeps us safe when we’re globe trotting through the friendly skies, and unfortunately, allows the police and highway patrol to ask that question that we all hate being asked? “So, do you know how fast you were going?” After the highway patrol stops you? I’ve always wanted to say, “Well, not fast enough.” Anyways, I digress… That’s right Doppler RADAR.

There are two velocity properties that we all possess any time we’re moving through a three-dimensional space… they’re called “Red Shift” and “Blue Shift”. Red Shift is when we’re increasing our distance from an object (moving away), and “Blue Shift” is when we’re decreasing our distance from an object (moving towards)... And red and blue make purple… or violet, whatever! Right about now you’re probably thinking: “Is there gonna be a pop-quiz on this because, BORING!!!!” Or, “Seriously, where are you going with this?” So glad you asked, you really are quite astute!

We should have called these the “Blue/Red Shift Thermonuclear Magnetic Solar Attractor Face Bling Thing”... Just kidding! That wouldn’t fit in the title area, and it just doesn’t roll off the tongue very well. And, you can’t really roll your R’s after saying thermonuclear… or attractor… or solar… Well, never mind… What?!?! Oh! You can... Say “Red” again? [STAMMERS] Hmm, what are you doing later? Care to join me for some star gazing and a four-course anything you want? Great! Let’s go!

Sorry! Got side-tracked… We think this violet “dream team defense” for your peepers would be better utilized by keeping you, A.K.A. “Danger is my middle name” protected from [1] the elements, [2] the ultra-violet fusion fireball in the sky, and [3] the onslaught of dust and debris you’re certain to encounter, when you’re [4] running away from the stampede of people who want to tell you how good you look. ( “Danger is my middle name Scenario 4”, would be a great opportunity to test out that doppler radar theory stuff we just talked about… red-shift and blue-shift examples everywhere for all you SCIENCE-zoidies… POP-QUIZ!!! Just kidding… You’re welcome! We know you hate those. )

Sometimes you need to walk before you run, just please make sure you can see where you’re going, because we need you in one piece when you safely arrive at your destination, always, no matter what the speed of your cadence. After all, you’re carrying precious cargo… Ha! No! Not the goggles, silly… YOU, are the precious cargo! We just want you safe and sound and looking your best… and who said you had to walk or run anywhere… Hang out, relax, grab a beverage, put these goggles on, and just let the endless barrage of compliments unfold… if you’re into that sort of thing. ;-) #winning